March 31, 2008 - I'm going to shamelessly post what I wrote in my March 20th newsletter as it pretty much sums up where I am at and how I'm feeling.

How many times have you thought to yourself, "I'm tired of this Journey; I'm tired of watching everything I eat, and I'm tired of always thinking about food"? I know I have lots of times throughout my Journey. In fact, I can almost guarantee that those thoughts will enter my mind again sometime in the future. I'm human. Gosh, did I say I was human? I wonder. Can the human factor be the culprit in my falling off Program? How about in just not wanting to do Program? Why, when we know what to do and how to do it, can we not follow Program right to Goal with no side adventures?

In January of 1998 I walked through the doors of Weight Watchers knowing what I wanted - GOAL! I was so set in my mind in achieving GOAL that nothing could of gotten in my way - NOTHING! Guess what? I marched right to goal in about 8 months and kept the weight off with little to no effort for 3 years. I got my 'Masters degree,' learning everything I could about this new healthy lifestyle and putting it to work in my Journey. I did it! I was so proud of myself and so convinced at that time that I would not gain the weight back or have the need to go on this particular Journey to Goal again.

I'm sure many of you are asking, "What happened?" So am I. I forgot that I was human and not perfect. I forgot that I still have to live my life with all the twists and turns it throws at us. Some of it was complacency. I was comfortable at my new weight and I was maintaining it with little to no effort. Some of it was over-confidence that I was in control so there was no need to make sure backup plans were in place should I wander off the path. Why should I? I was making good food choices and making sure I got my activity or workouts done for the week. I was drinking all my water. I was doing what was necessary to maintain this healthy lifestyle and new weight. I was in the zone and it truly was my new healthy lifestyle.

Let's back up to May 2002 when I quit smoking almost 3 packs of cigarettes a day. It was easy for me to quit smoking. I accomplished it by going to a group hypnosis session. The hard part came after. The mindless eating began and I couldn't control it. I never started smoking again but I never regained that non-thinking-about-it healthy lifestyle at my goal weight again. My concentration is still, to this day, not as good as it was. My whole metabolism is different. These are normal things that happen after you've quit smoking, especially as much as I was smoking. I've had some people ask me why I don't start smoking again to get my weight back down to goal. My answer to them was, "I was at my heaviest, 245 lbs, while smoking 3 packs a day which put me at double the risk for a heart attack - 100+ pounds overweight plus smoking 3 packs a day. Why would I want to smoke again?" Smoking is NOT the answer to achieving goal.

Soon after quitting smoking there were several deaths in the family, including my father-in-law, my Mother, my best friends Mom (and Mom to me) and a very dear, close friend who was like a second mother to me. Life was out-of-control, which meant Program was out the door and it showed. I gained a lot of my weight back. I don't know about you but when there are family issues going on I'm right there trying to make it easier on everyone and in the process I forget about taking care of me. Let's face it. We are caregivers. I'm truly at my best and happiest when I'm helping someone or just giving of myself.

What was so magical about that time in 1998 when I walked right down to goal relatively easily? How did I get so determined to make goal that I would have turned down a million dollars rather than go off program? Gosh, I really wish I knew because I would bottle it and we'd all be at our GOAL weight.

I've given this subject a lot of thought. I want GOAL again so badly but I can't seem to muster up the strength to continue doing what I know I need to do to achieve my GOAL. I am almost 10 years older today than I was in 1998, when I was moving straight to goal. I am dealing with medical issues that I wasn't dealing with then, such as Rheumatoid Arthritis, Fibromylagia, Osteo-Arthritis, menopause and severe Restless Leg Syndrome. So what! That should not keep me from achieving my goal weight. Is it the depression that accompanies some of these conditions stopping me dead in my tracks? I know when I stop doing what I need to do on Program it's very hard to get back in the groove. Of course, the tiredness doesn't help. But... these are really just excuses. I need to find some solutions. Most of all, I need to accept the fact that this Journey back to Goal is not going to be the same one I did in 1998. It's different and I need to learn to adjust to the differences.

What are some of the things I can do to help me stay focused on Program?

* Well, number one, for me, is help on focusing on my program and doing the right things! I know when I listen to the Enjoying Weight Loss CDs I focus. Hypnosis works well for me when I actually use it. So, this has to be on top of my list of things to do to reach goal.

* Secondly, I need to slow down and take time for ME, which I am not doing. I do well for a bit, and then it's go, go, go, with no time for ME. My Program goes right out the window when I don't take the time to take care of ME. We all know that when we take care of ourselves we gain control over so much more in our lives, including our Program for a healthy lifestyle. Everyone around me is happier when I take care of ME because I'm happy. Ever heard the old saying, "If Mama ain't happy, no one is happy"? So true!

* Thirdly, I must make sure I drink plenty of water during the day. That truly is one of the keys to success on Program. You feel better, you're not as hungry all the time and it cleanses your system.

* Last, but not least, I need to surround myself with others on this Journey. When I'm struggling I need to soak up their energy and enthusiasm for Program. When I'm not struggling I need to offer up my energy and enthusiasm to others struggling, for when you help others you truly are helping yourself.

So, all that being said, when will I get back to goal? Your guess is as good as mine but I can tell you I will not quit trying. You are never a failure as long as you keep getting up every time you fall. You are never a failure as long as you do the best you can. I will be at Goal again. I know it. I just need to remember that I'm not the same person I was 10 years ago. I need to remember that every Journey is different and to accept that. I need to remember that I have all of you out there supporting me and wishing me the very best, as I am you. I need to remember that I'm Dotti, I'm human and I'm not perfect.

I'm not sure if our little visit today has helped any of you but I want you to know it has helped me tremendously to talk about it. I hope all of you realize that you are not alone on this Journey and most likely what you are feeling, others have felt the same way. Together we will walk on down to Goal.

Let's all keep on keeping on the Journey. The alternative is far worse. I would quickly be back up to 245 lbs again—plus adding on more weight—if I ever gave up this Journey. I will NEVER give up. It is not an option. EVER.

How would I rate my last month?  I've continued to be concious of
Program but still not giving Program 100% which I need to be successful.
How would I rate my confidence level?  My confidence level is getting
better every day. I'm working hard on building it back up.

I cannot relive yesterday and tomorrow isn't here yet,
so I will just deal with today.

January 20, 2008 - We will lose the weight in 2008 ~ We can do this! This is my year to getting back to Goal and feeling good again. Yes, that is what I said in my last newsletter.  What happened to that great resolve?

I've had a very rough couple of weeks.  For some reason I just haven't done what I know I'm supposed to do.   Why?  I want this healthy lifestyle; I've never stopped wanting it. So, why does this happen? I do know that when I don't listen to my Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs  it is much easier for me to fall off Program.  I'm not as strong in my resolve to stay on Program. I have not been listening to my Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs. That explains some of it. Stress is also playing a big part (I must take my own advice above). I am hurting most of the time lately (from my rheumatoid arthritis) and that makes it hard for me to even think about exercise. Not taking time for ME is also a factor lately.  It seems the minute I stop taking care of ME, it's so hard to get back to taking care of ME. So, now you have the excuses or how I like to think about it, reasons - as to why I fell off program. 

Now, what am I going to do about it? I'm going to get right back on the right road of my Journey.  I'm going to do the best I can day by day, hour by hour.  I'm going to take One Day at a Time, with No Guilt and Move On when I'm struggling. Wish me luck!

How would I rate my last couple of weeks?  I've continued to be concious of
Program but not making the effort I need to be successful.
How would I rate my confidence level?  My confidence level is not good but
talking about my Journey helps a lot.  I'm hoping for it to be a lot higher by next update.

I cannot relive yesterday and tomorrow isn't here yet,
so I will just deal with today.

January 5, 2008 -    Here's to a great 2008!  We will lose the weight in 2008 ~ We can do this!  This is my year to getting back to Goal and feeling good again. 

Guess what today is?  It's my 10 year anniversary!  Guess what for?  It was 10 years ago today (January 5, 1998) when I walked through the doors of Weight Watchers.  10 years!  Can you believe it?  That year I made lifetime and created DWLZ on September 20th of the same year, 1998.  It was a stellar year for sure. I've never been sorry I started this Journey of a Lifetime.  It's brought me better health, self-esteem and all of you, my friends.

It's been a very rough month of December with some good and bad moments.  I am dealing with some personal issues that are very close to my heart and when I'm ready I will share them. Al and I had his Mom up here with us for the month of December and we had so much fun seeing all the Christmas lights and celebrations.  Al and I have realized also during Moms stay that her short term memory is fading fast so there was some heartache during the visit too.  We are working on a care plan that would make her happy and us sure she is safe. This is all so new to us so we are trying to learn all we can before moving forward.  Mom is now back at home with her friends and church where she is most comfortable.

I'm hanging in there on my Journey but have not taken the time for me that is needed to be successful.  I've been up a pound or two during this time but overall I've maintained most of the time.  I know this is what happens when I ignore the most important person, ME.  That is about to change.

I'm not back to the gym on a regular basis but hope to be soon.  I walked with Al on Friday and hope to get more of that in again too.  I've listened to my Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs a couple of times but a couple of times doesn't cut it.  I have found that if I don’t work out or listen to my Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs  on a regular basis, my whole program is off.  So, my goal is to get those two things going again on a regular basis.  I have not done well on drinking my water - too much diet pop and Starbucks have been available - so that is a must also.  Wish me luck on getting back on my routine because we all know what works for us (for me it's the Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs, water, my Weight Watcher meetings and all of you who I know are here on the same Journey with me.

I wrote this back on October 7th, right after my 51st birthday.  I need to listen to myself, don't you think?

I've worked out a schedule that takes care of many aspects of my Journey.  Some of the things I wanted to work into my healthy lifestyle were:

1.  Sleep.  I want to get at least 6-7 hours of sleep a night.
2.  Exercise.  I want a regular exercise routine, 4 times a week.
3.  Go to my Weight Watcher meeting every Wednesday at 9:15 am.
4.  I want to listen to Dr. Roberta's Enjoying Weight Loss Hypnosis CDs 4 times a week.

We made a surprise trip up to Spokane, WA for Christmas this year.  Tammy & the girls were so surprised to see us (we told Jim & LeRoy).  What a great Christmas with the family, including Al's Mom & Tammy's Dad and all the grandkids.  Oh my!  We even got a White Christmas which was the icing on the cake. Als Mom finally got to meet our family in Spokane who we've been talking about over the years. 

Here are a few photos I'd like to share with you...

It was a fun-filled, snowy Christmas in Spokane!  What's a snowy day without Starbucks?

L-R: Dotti, LeRoy, Al & Als Mom, Betty

L-R: Mrs. Claus aka Tammy, Jamie, Claudette, Misty & Mr. Claus aka Jim

L-R: Kaydee, Hunter, Brady & Mr. Claus aka Jim

L-R: Talon, Cameron & Brady

L-R: Al & the girls & Tammys Dad, Don

How would I rate my last couple of weeks?  My last couple of weeks have been just
there if you know what I mean.  I've continued to be conscious of my Program
but not making the extra effort needed to be successful on Program.
How would I rate my confidence level?  Moderate but getting better
as I slowly get back into my routine.  I will reach my GOAL!

I cannot relive yesterday and tomorrow isn't here yet,
so I will just deal with today.